How to apply the mind to marital problems

THE BEST TIME to prevent a divorce is before marriage. Ignorance of the powers within you is the cause of all of your marital trouble. Learn how to attract the right wife or husband. For instance, if you are a girl seeking a husband, do not begin to tell yourself all of the reasons why you cannot get married; rather tell yourself all of the reasons why you can be happily married. Eradicate the word cannot from your vocabulary. He can, who believes he can!
You are now acquainted with the way the subconscious mind works. You know that whatever you impress upon it, shall be experienced in your world. Begin now to impress your subconscious mind with the qualities and characteristics you admire in a man.
FRH_4904This is one technique: Sit down at night in your armchair; close your eyes; let go; relax the body; become very quiet, passive, and receptive. Talk to your subconscious mind, and say to it, “I am now attracting a man into my experience who is honest, sincere, loyal, kind, faithful, and prosperous. He is peaceful and happy.
These qualities are sinking down into my subconscious mind now. As I dwell upon these qualities, they become a part of me. I know there is an irresistible law of attraction, and that I attract to me a man according to my subconscious belief. I attract that which I feel as true in my subconscious mind. In other words I know that according to the law, I will attract a man in accordance with my feelings, beliefs, and impressions made on my subconscious mind regarding the type of man I seek.”
Practice this process of impregnating your subconscious mind; then you will have the joy of attracting a man having the qualities and characteristics you mentally dwelt upon. The subconscious intelligence will open up a pathway whereby both of you will meet according to the irresistible and changeless law of your own subconscious mind. Have a keen desire to give the best that is in you of love, devotion, and cooperation. Be receptive to this gift of love which you have given to your subconscious mind.
Marriage between man and woman should be an act of love. Honesty, sincerity, kindness, and integrity are forms of love. Each should be perfectly honest and sincere with the other. There is not a true marriage when the man marries a woman for her money, social position, or to lift his ego, because there is no sincerity or honesty there. The marriage is not of the heart. When a woman says, “I am tired working; I want to get married, because I want security;” her premise is false; she is not using the laws of mind correctly. Her security depends upon her knowledge of the interaction of the conscious and subconscious mind and its application. For example, a woman will never lack for wealth or health if she applies the technique outlined in the respective chapters of this book. Her wealth can come to her independent of her husband, father, or anyone else. A woman is not dependent on her husband for health, peace, joy, inspiration, guidance, love, wealth, security, happiness, or anything in the world. Her security and peace of mind come from her knowledge of the inner powers within her, and her constant use of the laws of her own mind in a constructive fashion. Marrying for money or to get even with someone is, of course, a farce and a masquerade.
A man and a woman must be subjectively united in the sense that a real love or sense of oneness prevails; in other words two hearts are united in love, freedom, and respect. A number of people have said to me, “Oh, we love each other, why should we bother getting married?” The answer to this is extraordinarily simple: What we subconsciously feel and accept as true is always objectified or made manifest on the screen of space.fh-couple6
Their reasoning, therefore, is false and insincere. The law of mind is, “As within, so without.”
Let us take the case of a man or a woman who has made an honest mistake. She now finds herself married to a drug-addict; he refuses to work; she has to support him; he is ruthless and cruel. It is true that due to her state of mind, she attracted that man; yet she is not condemned to live in a world of misery brought about by her own mood or ignorance. Had she used her subconscious mind in the right way, this would not have happened. (I am sure that if you fell into the gutter, slipped perhaps on a banana peel, it would be silly to condemn yourself and stay in the gutter. The obvious thing to do would be to get up out of the gutter, wash yourself, and keep on going.) The woman herein referred to, packed her belongings, and left this man. She realized it was an intolerable situation. Surely this woman is not condemned to live with this man when their hearts and minds are miles apart. You can tie two people together with a rope; yet they can be as far apart as the poles in thought, feeling, and perspective. You are divorced mentally when your mind and heart are elsewhere. To stay together in such circumstances is chaotic from all angles. Marriage is a union of two hearts; there is no marriage where the hearts are not bound together in love and peace.
Adultery takes place in the heart first. The heart is the seat of the emotions. If you are resentful, hateful, and critical of your partner, you have already committed adultery in your heart. To direct your mental and emotional operations along destructive and negative channels is to commit adultery. Always remember the adulterous state takes place in the mind. Bodily acts follow mental states; they do not precede.
Perhaps as you read these pages, you are saying, “I know a young couple who got married recently. They both used the laws of mind; they seemed perfectly happy in every way. Now they are contemplating a divorce.” The mental attitude which attracted and endeared them to each other must be maintained and strengthened, in order to preserve the marriage. If a disagreement arises or some slight argument occurs, and one of the partners engages the mind on a negative idea such as resentment or hostility, he is uniting with the error in his mind, and it is destructive to marital happiness.
The little arguments and quarrels which married people engage in will not hurt; it is the sustained grudge or ill feeling which does the damage. When the harsh words said are all forgotten and forgiven a few minutes later, no harm has been done. It is when the feeling of being hurt is prolonged, that the danger lies.
If a man begins to brood, grows morbid against his wife, because of the things she said or did, he is committing adultery, since he is mentally engaged in bitterness. This mood will endanger the marriage except he forgives and radiates love and goodwill to his partner. Let the man who is bitter and resentful swallow his sharp remarks; let him go to great length to be considerate, kind, and courteous. He can deftly skirt the differences. Through practice and mental effort, he can get out of the habit of antagonism; then he will be able to get along better not only with his wife, but with business associates also. Assume the harmonious state, and eventually you will find peace and harmony.
314798_10151086771033185_956176524_nLet us have a few remarks about the nagging wife. Many times the reason she is a nagger is because she gets no attention; oftentimes it is a craving for love and affection. Give it to her. There is also the nagging type of woman who wants to make the man conform to her particular pattern. This is about the quickest way in the world to get rid of a man.
The wife and the husband must cease being scavengers—always looking at the petty faults or errors in each other. Let each give attention and praise to the positive and wonderful qualities in the other.
A great mistake is to discuss your marital problems or difficulties with neighbors and relatives. Suppose, for example, a wife says to the neighbor, “John never gives me any money; he treats my mother abominably; drinks to excess, and he is constantly abusive and insulting.” Now this wife is degrading and belittling her husband in the eyes of all of the neighbors and relatives; he no longer appears as the ideal husband to them. Never discuss your marital problems with anyone except a trained counselor. Why have many people thinking negatively of your marriage? Moreover, as you discuss and dwell upon these shortcomings of your husband, you are actually creating these states within yourself. Who is thinking and feeling it? You are! As you think and feel, so are you.
Relatives will usually always give you the wrong advice; it is usually biased and prejudiced, because it is not given in an impersonal way. Any advice you receive which violates the golden rule—which is a cosmic law—is not good or sound. It is well to remember that no two human beings ever lived beneath the same roof without clashes of temperament, periods of hurts, and strain. Never display the unhappy side of your marriage to your friends. Keep your quarrels to yourself. Refrain from criticism and condemnation of your partner.
If there are children in the home, let the father praise their mother; let him call attention at times to her fine qualities and the happy as pects of the home. A husband must not try and make his wife over into a second edition of himself. The tactless attempt to change her in many ways is so foreign to her nature; these attempts are always foolish; many times they result in a dissolution of the marriage. These attempts to alter her destroy her pride and self-esteem, and arouse a spirit of contrariness and resentment that proves fatal to the marriage bond. Adjustments are needed, of course, but if you have a good look inside of your own mind, and study your character and behaviour, you will find so many shortcomings there to keep you busy the rest of your life. If you say, “I will make him over into what I want,” you are looking for trouble and the divorce court. You are asking for misery. You will have to learn the hard way that there is no one to change but yourself. If you have a marital problem, ask yourself what it is you want; then realize that you can achieve that goal. You would solve your marital problem in the same way as any other problem. Define clearly what you want; then realize that what the mind engages in, it creates.
1014063_593685810716145_1643171845_nA woman told me one time that after thirty years her husband began to drink heavily, neglecting his home and children. She began to claim peace and harmony in her home and heart. She paid no attention to the circumstances or conditions. She quietly engaged her mind on her goal, knowing that her subconscious mind would bring about and magnify what she gave her attention to. Harmony and peace were again restored after a few months devotion to her true goal. This is an illustration of The Miracles of
The Subconscious Mind. By resenting and fighting the situation, this woman would only make matters worse. If there is quarreling and bickering in the home, turn your attention away from personalities, environments, and conditions, and focus your attention on your ideal, which is love, peace, and harmony. As you feed your mind upon these ideas, the subconscious mind will respond and bring about harmony. I am often asked this question, “If one of the partners has an intense desire to terminate the marriage, and the other has an equally intense desire to remain united in marriage, and they are both sincere, what will happen?” In such cases there is a mental tug of war; this is a house divided against itself; sooner or later it will dissolve; however, their attitude of mind may prolong the situation.
The proper and correct way to solve this marital problem is to lift the thought above personalities and conditions, and begin to direct your thought to your true desire, trusting the infinite intelligence within you to bring about the perfect solution. Through the right application of the law of your subconscious mind, you can bring harmony where discord is, and resurrect peace where confusion reigns; moreover, the right application of your subconscious mind can dissolve a bad marriage.
Do not let foolish pride, anger, and a desire to get even take you to the divorce court, when all of the while your heart is one with the husband you left. Let love, goodwill, and kindness lead you back to the one you love in your heart. You can heal any problem through the right application and direction of your subconscious mind. Listening to the intuition or guidance which comes from the subjective wisdom within you would have perhaps prevented you from contracting the present marriage. You did not know how to use it; now you do. If you had a bad start, you can adjust it now by using the procedure and techniques outlined in this chapter. By exalting, and lifting up your partner in thought and feeling, and always cherishing the lovely qualities which brought you together, you can make your marriage a beautiful experience and a joy forever.

By : Fran Homesa –